{"id":1293,"date":"2019-08-01T01:07:25","date_gmt":"2019-08-01T01:07:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/?p=1293"},"modified":"2019-06-11T14:11:30","modified_gmt":"2019-06-11T14:11:30","slug":"forget-zombies-odor-causing-germs-are-out-to-get-you-by-james-barr","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/2019\/08\/01\/forget-zombies-odor-causing-germs-are-out-to-get-you-by-james-barr\/","title":{"rendered":"Forget Zombies. Odor-Causing Germs Are Out to Get You by James Barr"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

James is a freelance writer and survivor of two long stints at two renowned advertising agencies. His conversation is sprinkled with features and benefits and always ends with a call to action. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n


Forget Zombies.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Odor-Causing Germs Are Out to Get You.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The world\u2019s gone zany with zombies. They\u2019re popping up in\nmovies, music, on TV and staggering all over social media. Without question, those\nfrisky folks are lurching into our lives almost everywhere. Of course, no one\nhas ever really seen one. And the last time I checked, no one has fallen off\ntheir earthly perch due to \u201cZombie Bite, Zombie Nibble, Zombie Death Hug\u201d or\neven \u201cAsphyxiation Due to Close Proximity to Zombie Breath.\u201d So let\u2019s continue\nto keep a wary eye out for these nasty ragamuffins, but turn our attention to a\nfar more ominous threat: odor-causing germs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These relentless microscopic troublemakers are everywhere\nand they\u2019re not going down easily. Unlike zombies, you can actually see <\/em>odor-causing germs if you happen to have\na medical grade electron microscope somewhere in your home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know about these germs because I once was an ad agency\ncopywriter tasked with creating nationwide angst about them. My client had created\na new product aimed at killing them while claiming they were lurking all over your\nkitchen floors and in your toilets. The telltale sign that you had them? You\ncould actually smell <\/em>their presence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My task was to create TV commercials that made your hair stand\non end because you learned your home was Club Med for these invasive little\ncritters. Then, we wanted you to leap out of your Barcalounger and dash down to\nyour grocery store to buy the product.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My client was unsure of the efficacy of their new creation, however,\nso they opted for a test market in Milwaukee. This would allow them to test the\nappeal of their new product in a scaled-back, less expensive setting before\nlaunching an ad campaign on national TV. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

From the very beginning, I had two concerns about the\nproduct. The fragrance was a blend of an impossibly pine-scented forest with\nthe earthy, pungent aroma of an earthworm farm. Strong enough to curl nose\nhairs, it got you thinking one of the yams in the potato basket had gone bad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My other concern was that the product wasn\u2019t just stinky. It\nwas also sticky<\/em>. Shortly after the\nadvertising began, complaints began pouring in about how the product nearly peeled\nsoles from shoes. Several people said their young children actually got stuck\non the kitchen floor and couldn\u2019t move until their shoes were removed. A recent\nMilwaukee census showed a population drop, but I beg to differ. I think the\nmissing people are still there, but can\u2019t open the door to the census taker\nbecause they\u2019re stuck to their floors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe this is a perfect time for a hair-raising zombie scare.\nCue the vampires, too. If they really do exist, let\u2019s turn \u2018em all loose and get\nthose folks moving again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

With or without their shoes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

James is a freelance writer and survivor of two long stints at two renowned advertising agencies. His conversation is sprinkled with features and benefits and always ends with a call to action. Forget Zombies. Odor-Causing Germs Are Out to Get You. The world\u2019s gone zany with zombies. They\u2019re popping up in movies, music, on TV … Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1293","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-creative-non-fiction"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pa867U-kR","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1293","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1293"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1293\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1297,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1293\/revisions\/1297"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1293"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1293"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1293"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}