{"id":1516,"date":"2019-10-03T01:11:54","date_gmt":"2019-10-03T01:11:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/?p=1516"},"modified":"2019-09-26T01:14:37","modified_gmt":"2019-09-26T01:14:37","slug":"singing-the-dmv-blues-by-james-barr","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/2019\/10\/03\/singing-the-dmv-blues-by-james-barr\/","title":{"rendered":"Singing the DMV Blues by James Barr"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

As a creative director, James wrote TV commercials, ads and radio spots for all kinds of familiar brands and products. He firmly believes in the adage that says, “You get only one exclamation point to use in your lifetime. Choose wisely.” <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n


Singing the DMV Blues<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one ever looks forward to a visit to the Department of\nMotor Vehicles (DMV) office. This unwanted excursion is on the same list as \u201cGo\nto root canal appointment\u201d and \u201cTime to take colonoscopy prep liquid.\u201d But\nthere are times that a visit cannot be avoided.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since I knew the local office closed at 5 PM and all I\nneeded was a form, I waited until 4:50 to make my appearance. As I strode in, I\nthought, \u201cWonderful. There\u2019s no one here. I\u2019ll be out in seconds.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I zipped past the annoying little machine that dispenses a\nticket with a number on it, moved past a roomful of empty chairs and sauntered\nup to the counter. The one and only person behind it was occupied with\nsomething on his computer and took no recognition of my presence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

After coughing a few times, issuing a loud yawn and possibly\nmaking cat meow sounds, I caused him to stir. The civil servant slowly turned\nhis head to acknowledge me and at snail speed, managed to utter, \u201cNumber?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I said, \u201cNumber<\/em>?\nI\u2019m the only one here.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He said, \u201cYou need a number.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Looking around at the cavernous, empty room, I was about to\nask \u201cWhy?<\/em>\u201d when I realized this was\nnot a great idea. This imbecilic little man could make my life miserable by\nsuddenly requiring me to show my birth certificate, the serial number of my\ndishwasher and demanding that I name three countries in Africa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I turned around, trod back to the entrance so the\nannoying little machine could spit out my number: 132. By the time I got back\nto the counter, the creep behind it was nowhere to be seen. So I sat in one of\nthe uncomfortable, government provided plastic chairs until he appeared.\nLooking at the counter on the wall, he said, \u201d132.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Playing it out, I paused and looked around to see if any of\nthe imaginary people in the room might have this number. Seeing none, I\napproached the counter. His processor must have been running slowly, because I\nnamed the form I needed and he wordlessly stared at me. I give good stare, as\nwell, so our stare-athon continued for what seemed like an hour.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trust me, I\u2019ve stared for even less time at the baboons at\nthe zoo, but they at least entertain you with leaps, grimaces and scratching.\nThis guy did none of that. Instead, he reached under the counter and glacially came\nup with my form. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I resisted the temptation to ask him if he was always this\nunpleasant or if it\u2019s a job requirement but realized he had the power to put my\nname on a DMV watch list and have me ticketed for parking in my own driveway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the way out, I really didn\u2019t mean to trip over the table\nholding the number machine, sending it crashing to the floor. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As a creative director, James wrote TV commercials, ads and radio spots for all kinds of familiar brands and products. He firmly believes in the adage that says, “You get only one exclamation point to use in your lifetime. Choose wisely.” Singing the DMV Blues No one ever looks forward to a visit to the … Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1516","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fiction"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pa867U-os","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1516","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1516"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1516\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1518,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1516\/revisions\/1518"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1516"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1516"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1516"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}