{"id":683,"date":"2019-01-15T13:47:59","date_gmt":"2019-01-15T13:47:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/?p=683"},"modified":"2019-01-05T21:51:32","modified_gmt":"2019-01-05T21:51:32","slug":"food-stamp-anxiety-by-bethany-bruno","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/2019\/01\/15\/food-stamp-anxiety-by-bethany-bruno\/","title":{"rendered":"Food Stamp Anxiety by Bethany Bruno"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Bethany Bruno is a born and raised Florida Writer. She attended Flagler College, in St. Augustine, FL, where she earned her B.A in English. She was first published in the Flagler Review. She later attended the University of North Florida for her M.A. Before becoming a Library Specialist, she was an English Teacher and a Park Ranger with the National Park Service. She’s working on her debut novel, \u201cFrom the Passenger Seat.\u201d She lives in Port Saint Lucie, FL. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Food Stamp Anxiety<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pulling into the Walgreen\u2019s\nparking lot, my senses heighten and I can feel a sense of regret. I shouldn\u2019t\nbe doing this, especially after all the hard work I put into the gym the last\nweek. But, I feel like shit today and just want to eat ice cream and drink my\ndrug of choice, Diet Pepsi. I\u2019m sick of everyone telling me to get off the\nstuff. I know it\u2019s not the healthiest drink but it\u2019s better than alcohol. Drug\naddicts, alcoholics, and failures in all aspects of life exist in my circle of\nfriends, yet I\u2019m a fatty who likes diet soda way too much and needs to stop.\nClearly, I have the problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My beat up tiny silver Nissan shuts off as I slide out of the\ndriver\u2019s seat and begin my walk toward the automatic doors. I\u2019m dressed in my\ntypical lazy attire- oversized hoodie, loose dress that comes down toward my\nknees, and thong flip flops. Some might say I\u2019ve overdressed myself for only\ngoing to the store but the reality is I just find it easier to slip a dress\nover my head than having to find shorts and shirt that hides my round stomach.\nI\u2019m not pregnant, by the way. The Scott family just happens to gain all of our\nweight in the belly region. Everywhere else is well proportioned, luckily. But\nthe one nuisance is that I constantly have to tell people that I am, in fact,\nnot pregnant and just fat. During last week\u2019s failed job interview the\nassistant manager asked \u201cDo you have any future happenings that would inhibit\nyou from working?\u201d all while staring at my stomach. I just smiled and said no,\nand tried to remember to suck in my stomach for the remainder of the interview.\nI didn\u2019t get the job or even a call back letting me know that they had offered\nthe position to someone else. A crappy hotel on the outskirts of town wouldn\u2019t\nhire me, a college graduate with a friendly personality because I might be\n\u201cindisposed\u201d in a few months. This was the first of many times I\u2019ve been asked\nsomething along the lines of \u201cwhen are you do?\u201d all while placing a hand on my\nbelly. The answer is always the same \u2013 \u201cNot a baby, just fat\u201d\u2026 \u201cOh\u2026\u201d and away\nthey go. The worst time this happened was when I worked at Old Navy. A woman\nasked me to get onto a ladder to check for a shoe in a bigger size. As I began\nto climb she grabbed my wrist in terror and said \u201cOh honey, you shouldn\u2019t be\ndoing that in your condition!\u201d At the time, I had no freaking idea what she was\ntalking about. I told her I was fine and went back to climbing. \u201cBut what if\nyou fall?! Think about the child.\u201d It felt like a slap in the face- in fact my\nentire face became red with embarrassment. I was so shocked that I could only\nlet out a small breath of \u201cbut I\u2019m not \u2026pregnant. What?\u201d She too gave me the\ntypical response of \u201coh\u2026\u201d and walked away. So word of advice to everyone out\nthere: never ever congratulate someone on being pregnant because you just never\nknow. Unless they specifically tell you they are indeed pregnant, and then\nrespond. Even if they have a belly sticking out the size of a watermelon, I\nwould not say shit until they bring it up. It will save you and that person\nawkward embarrassment just in case you\u2019re wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ding-Ding<\/em>! Alerts all to my arrival as I enter the store. Markdowns and\ntiny shopping carts block the entrance as I move past it all. I anxiously walk\ndown the rows of aisles and finally reach my destination. I pick up a twelve\npack of diet soda and to my surprise the Cowbell cherry vanilla ice cream that\nI\u2019ve loved since a kid is on sale. I grab a carton and begin to walk back\ntowards the front counter. I walk past the sales clerk, an older woman with cat\neyeglasses, as she is in the candy aisle helping another customer. I stop at\nthe counter and unload my supplies. I really need to get the hell out of here.\nI need to hurry up and buy this so no one can see my food stamps card. I know\nthe card shouldn\u2019t be used for luxuries like soda and ice cream, but if\neveryone else can do it than so can I, right? Sure enough, a little girl and\nher mom pull up to the counter with their basket.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhere\u2019d she go?\u201d she stammers at me. \u201cShe\u2019s around the corner\nhelping someone\u201d I say, trying not to make eye contact with either one of them.\nNow my anxiety is really starting to build up inside. Maybe I should just leave\nthe stuff, I don\u2019t need it anyway! Maybe this is a sign from God that I\nshouldn\u2019t break my diet. An older couple comes up behind the mother. \u201cCan we go\nahead of y\u2019all? We just need to buy his batteries.\u201d The mother nods and waves\nthem right up next to me. The old woman is so close to me that she can see\neverything that\u2019s in my purse, which isn\u2019t much. If I took a step back, I\u2019d\nstep on her toes. Fuck this I\u2019m\u2026 and now here she comes. She waddles up toward\nthe register and apologizes. As she begins to scan my soda the little girl says\n\u201cCOW BELL ICE CREAM\u2026.\u201d I look down at her, \u201cYou know many people died from\nthat, right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A million emotions and thoughts go through my head. Should I be\na smartass and say I\u2019m counting on it? Or slap her and yell at the mother for\nraising such a rude little brat. Or just walk out crying? No, I don\u2019t do any of\nthese. Instead I just say \u201cOkay\u201d as the others just laugh. I don\u2019t know if\ntheir laughing at me or the little girl, but I\u2019ve had enough. As I slide the\nfood stamps card through the machine, it freezes. The cashier clearly has no\nidea what she\u2019s doing and just asks me to swipe it again. The pressure to get\nout of the store is so high that I think I might break and just leave\neverything. I can see the older woman behind me as she looks at her husband\nwith a \u201cyou\u2019ve got to be kidding me\u201d kind of look. I drop the card and bend\ndown to pick up just as the APPROVED writing appears. I\u2019ve never been so\nrelived, and I feel like I just broke through a brick wall that had been\nstacking all around me. I grab my bag and soda case and half smiled as I walk toward\nthe exit. I don\u2019t look back in fear of what could be said about me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Next time, I\u2019ll go to Wally World.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ding- Ding!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bethany Bruno is a born and raised Florida Writer. She attended Flagler College, in St. Augustine, FL, where she earned her B.A in English. She was first published in the Flagler Review. She later attended the University of North Florida for her M.A. Before becoming a Library Specialist, she was an English Teacher and a … Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-683","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fiction"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pa867U-b1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/683","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=683"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/683\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":684,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/683\/revisions\/684"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=683"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=683"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underwoodpress.com\/ruescribe\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=683"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}