For decades, Jim wrote TV commercials for many well known products and brands while working as a creative director at two national ad agencies. But in his early days, he had to come up with features and benefits for chicken goggles. Yes, chicken goggles.
The Chicken Goggle Solution
I can’t think of a better conversation starter than this: “I used to write copy about chicken goggles.”
As a copywriter for the Montgomery Ward Farm and Garden Catalog, I really did write about chicken goggles. While the catalog was brimming with other products like tractors, tillers and hydraulic scoop claws, nothing came close to writing about those goggles. Not a frivolous fashion accessory, these beak-borne devices helped prevent bloodshed in the barnyard. You see, chickens are serious peckers and even engage in cannibalism. Two things I suggest you forget about the next time you walk into KFC.
If there’s any good news here, it’s that chickens usually only attack only the bird that’s directly in front of their faces. So if you ever come back to earth as a chicken, that’s a good thing to know. The goggles hinder the chicken’s view so it won’t go into full attack mode.
I learned all this in Chicago’s Montgomery Ward building, now an architectural landmark. Built before central air conditioning, the building had rotating fans mounted high on concrete columns. Seated before my typewriter, I learned to type with one hand while the other hand held down my papers as the fan rotated past my desk. Then as the fan began its return rotation, my other hand covered my papers while the other hand typed. And so it went for 8 hours a day during the summer.
Working in my open office area, the writers’ desks were arranged side-by-side. Over in a corner, my boss sat in his own cubicle. He was a chain cigar smoker and I rarely saw his face. A cloud of smoke perpetually encircled his head. Only by watching the red end of the cigar could I at least aim my conversation toward his mouth.
Sitting atop one of the file cabinets, we had a bowl of peanuts in the shell. One day, I took an X-acto knife and carefully opened a peanut. I then trimmed a long, narrow strip of paper and wrote a note from “Rabu,” a worker being held prisoner on a peanut farm in Cameroon. He was clearly pleading for rescue. Rolling the note tightly, I squeezed it into the shell, carefully sealed the shell’s edges with rubber cement and placed the special goober deep down in the bowl where it sat for months.
One quiet afternoon, there was a shriek loud enough to crack crystal. A secretary had opened the peanut and became near faint. To this day, she thinks a much older Rabu is still being held hostage on the peanut farm.
So forget about using a life coach to teach you how to get your associates to “Lean in” to what you’re about to say. Forget about going to seminars teaching you how to get your voice heard. All you really need to know are two little words and you’re on your way.
“Chicken goggles” works for me every time.