So intimate with Ishmael and Bartleby,
he must have been Herman Melville reincarnated.
Character analysis, plot, symbolism—so
enamored with his own voice,
so adamant about the
single
right
answer.
All I wanted
was to wander around words
and split a slice of cheesecake.
So when he asked
if I wanted to go out again,
I told him
I’d prefer not to.
Valerie Nies (she/her/hers) is a comedian, writer, and gluten enthusiast whose work has been featured in McSweeney’s, Reductress, and Oddball Magazine. Find her in Austin, Texas, scanning WebMD and ridding her clothing of cat hair. She’s also on Twitter/IG @valerieknees and at valerienies.com.