Motherhood is expected to be beautiful
A butterfly touching the lives of all who see it
Graceful, perfect, and camera ready
But here I am, an ugly cousin
A nuisance, a copycat
Trying so hard to be something
Meet an expectation
A moth
While a butterfly will rest with its wings closed
I’m here with mine open
Open and exhausted
Exhausted and exposed
There is no filter to change the appearance of these drab colored wings
For what I thought they were was the reality that no one speaks about
They are not all the times my child has chosen dad over me
They are not all the tears I shed alone in a dark corner of a room
They are not the times I thought I wasn’t enough
They are not the times I thought I wasn’t doing it right
Instead, they are the embodiment of my soul transforming into a strength that is more powerful than a butterfly could ever be capable of
Amanda Kelvey is a family medicine physician practicing in a community health center in Fall River, Massachusetts. She’s a born and raised New Englander who just can’t bring herself to stomach the renowned seafood cuisine. She considers herself an amateur cyclist and mindfulness enthusiast. When she isn’t reading or writing she can be found learning about bravery and strong-willed determination from her toddler son Owen. She is currently working on her debut novel.