So much confusion,
yet limited – and limitless time.
So many random thoughts
undermining my mind.
So many potential causes’
For one’s memory losses:
old age or a family history
are possibilities.
or a long-forgotten head injury,
or a chromosome 19
that hosts
an APOE 4 gene.
There are several causes of delusion
that confound the diagnostic conclusion,
that in turn, leads to treatment confusion
as the disease slowly proceeds.
I can’t or won’t accept this diagnosis,
but I need to be honest with myself –
some kind of rot in my mind
is going to undermine my mental and physical health.
Until that day when I won’t know better,
it won’t matter how much I fought.
My irrational mind will block my ego
So I won’t be able to experience what I ought:
A diminishing control
over my mind and heart,
which the absence of each,
will tear me apart.
My mind will go out of my head
like a balloon in the air
as relatives and friends
grasp at what I feared:
a mind that flies high
into a fully cloudy sky.
Larry Ullian is retired and has written a lot (mostly unpublished) poetry for more years that he cares to recall. This is one of his first efforts at seeking publication. He was a Training & Development designer for various public, private, and non-profit organizations.