Once, when he was asleep, his friends – with a red marker – connected all the freckles on his face into what they called a dot-to-dot masterpiece. They named it “Springtime on Mars”. After that, he was no longer Kevin. He was Dot – and he loved it – happy to see his friends happy and happy, for a moment, to forget about the itch in his soul – the itch he’d been born with – the itch that none of his friends seemed to have. He’d find out later, many wanderers, vagabonds and artists had it.
Dot’s itch was his burning desire to toss things in the air as straight as he could. Why or what things, he was yet to discover. That would be his river to cross.
Dot was ashamed of the itch and he did his best to hide it. He made the mistake once, when he was 6, of telling his mother about it. That led to a doctor’s visit and a barrel full of loneliness.
One day, just before Summer, almost-teenager Dot took to the woods. He loved the woods where he felt free to search for the perfect object to toss. He found some rocks and tossed one. Too heavy and too rocky. He discovered a tennis ball floating in a creek and tried that. Too bouncy. When he got back home, he secretly tried other things – blocks of wood, charcoal briquettes, lightbulbs and even eggs. Nothing seemed to scratch the itch – although a pair of his grandfather’s flannel boxers, he found on the washer, came close. They had good hang-time and a nice landing – but his mother walked in just when the boxers were in mid-air and she got the look of someone about to be punched by a kangaroo – and that was that. The world was a lonely place for a boy-juggler from Tennessee.
One afternoon Dot went to Cade’s Pond, another favorite spot where he liked to sit on a boulder and watch the dragon flies skitter across the water. Sometimes he wished he was one of them. He looked down and spotted a toad near his feet. The toad blended in perfectly with the ground. That’s when everything changed. One look at that toad and it was like lightning had struck Dot between the eyes. The toad had the biggest eyes Dot had ever seen.
“Bright Eyes,” the boy-juggler whispered.
It didn’t take a lot of courage for Dot to pick up the toad. It felt as natural as breathing. Bright Eyes was as still as a Buddha in Dot’s palm. Dot gave the toad a light toss – not too high – only a couple of inches. Dot could feel his heart soar.
The universe opened up before Dot’s eyes. It was breath-taking. Suddenly he could see the heart in everything big and small. The universe had no secrets. He could see a dragon fly’s heart beating inside its twig-like frame and he could see all the delicate threads that connected everything to everything, but what was most amazing were the wanderers, artists and vagabonds he saw floating among the trees – their feet inches off the ground.
The boy-juggler walked to the edge of the pond and found 2 more toads. He called them Bright Eyes the 2nd and Bright Eyes the 3rd. He picked up the 2 toads With a toad in one hand and 2 in the other, he began to juggle them. He didn’t even know he knew how, but he did. Shakespeare winked from behind a tree.
The Bright Eyes loved the ride. They bent their skinny toad legs the moment they were tossed and pirouetted in the air. They knew just what to do as if it had been written in their souls. Dot juggled the toads for 10 minutes until an owl, high in a tree, put its words into the wind. Dot could see the owl’s words swirling down towards him.
“That which does not hurt, does not grow.”
Then the words became butterflies and flew off.
Dot gently placed the Bright Eyes back on the ground and walked to the tree. He could see the beating heart of the owl. The owl again put words into wind.
“I once wished I had been born a horse. Strong – beautiful legs…and a neck! What I wouldn’t give to have a neck. It took a long time for me to see that I am an owl, stiff and ugly with a big head, but I can see in darkness and that is no small thing.”
This time the owl’s words turned into cool rain that fell to the ground and seeped into the earth.
Then the universe took back its secrets and Dot found himself alone again but he was not lonely. The 3 Bright Eyes were gone.
When the boy returned home, he decided to tell his sister about what he’d seen and heard. His sister cared too much for her brother. She told their parents and sadly it was off to more doctor’s appointments for Dot. He offered to bring his family to the pond but they said it wasn’t necessary. They didn’t believe him. They didn’t believe their boy and their worry lay heavy on their shoulders. For Dot, he felt like he wore a ball and chain. His teachers treated him differently. They spoke to him in loud tones as if he had gone deaf. He was forbidden to go the pond – so like any prisoner who longs for freedom, he went there in his dreams to juggle toads – and every time he did, he could feel the off-kilter gyroscope inside him spin straight and true.
Love sometimes, without meaning to, can turn someone’s Summer to Winter. The owl said that.
One day, as much as Dot tried to stop it, his dam broke. He refused to go to school and no one could make him. Over the next few days well-meaning people, professionals came to see him. He became an angry boy and, in several reports that were filed, he was no longer Kevin or Dot. He was Uncompliant. Still the owl came every night in his dreams and spoke of gentleness and understanding.
One night – after everyone was asleep – Dot dropped from his bedroom window and headed for the pond. He was not afraid of the dark. He was not afraid of who he was. He was not afraid.
He passed a bench where an old beggar slept. As Dot passed, the old beggar said; “No matter how dark, have faith. There is always light somewhere. You just have to find it.”
The beggar’s words hung in the air then transformed into lightning bugs that flew up into the sky to take their places among the stars. The beggar sat up. There was so much kindness in his eyes.
The beggar led Dot through the darkness to the pond. Again, the universe showed its soul.
The 3 Bright Eyes were there, waiting at the water’s edge. Dot turned to the beggar, but he was gone. Dot looked up into a tree and saw the owl. The owl had the eyes of the beggar.
Dot scooped up the Bright Eyes and started juggling them. The toad’s pirouettes were beautiful. When Dot stopped, he set the Bright Eyes down, picked up his head and saw his sister. She had followed him. Her eyes glowed with truth.
The boy who could juggle toads returned to school like everyone who ever loved him. He became the hit of the class and gave many performances in the coming years.
There’s a plaque now hanging at the school dedicated to the boy who would become one of the scientists to discover healing properties in the venom of the Great American Toad and who was part of the team that studied REM sleep patterns in baby owls which led to a greater understanding of sleep disorders in humans.
Over the years the boy who could juggle toads would give many talks – some about science but many about the greatest dot-to-dot masterpiece of them all – the masterpiece that is the human heart.
Joe Ducato lives in Utica, NY. Previous publishing credits include; Lit-Ezine, Adelaide Literary Magazine, Santa Barbara Literary Journal, Modern Literature, Literally Stories and Bangalore Review among others.