I stand with a sharp knife in my hand
Unnerved by its cool, shining blade
I am at the sink helping my cousin cook
in her bright, spacious, kitchen
I am enfolded by the light,
but I do not know about measurement, saucepans, mixes
I am one of those few women who did not learn to cook in her mother’s kitchen
I only know how to work with words, phrasing, stillnesses
Where to begin?
I scrape at the potato slowly,
It is rough and unwilling
I would prefer to be outside in the large garden,
Making a slow dance by the pink petunias
or sitting near the birch tree under the still sun
feeling its light shift over my shoulders
Or at my old manual typewriter
hearing the tap of the keys, spaces, possibilities
Yet I am stuck with this knife, chiseling away at the potato
Not sure If I am making progress or skimming too close to its core
While working, I picture my great grandmother in rural Ireland
The cold wind whirling by her house
Out on a hill, far from town
a rural shack with a great fireplace at its center
How she tried to keep warm in that place
A gathering of cows in a nearby field
She was a widow
turning withered pages of the Bible over in her firm hands
With small, thin frame,
a black shawl gathered around her shoulders
She stood bent over in the kitchen for hours,
shut in
I do not want my great grandmother’s life
The kitchen’s heat stifling her
I would rather take in the orange sun outside
the cool fresh air, the still sparrow standing in the shifting breeze
I want to step into this summer day of ease
unfolding orange petals
Yet I am stuck here trying to cut a way out of a rough vegetable
Trying to get through this task, so that it will come to an end
so that I will be able to put this knife down
and return again to the sounds and rhythms of words.
to the melancholy stories of my great grandmother
That have found their way into this pen
Dorothy Johnson-Laird is a poet and social worker who lives in New York City. She received an M.F.A in creative writing from Sarah Lawrence College. Dorothy also works as a music journalist with a passion in African music. She has published journalism with www.afropop.org and www.worldmusiccentral.org, among others. More of Dorothy’s poetry can be found at https://www.facebook.com/Dorothy-Johnson-Laird-Poet-106451582140735